say you'll always love me; ♥

Sunday, December 6, 2009 { 1:28 AM }

切记，千万不要让历史重演。
three.

Friday, December 4, 2009 { 10:42 AM }

what do you want to do in life?

there are so many things i want to achieve in my life.
but which one should be my ultimate goal in life?

i seriously dunno.
a lost sheep in a maze.

Thursday, December 3, 2009 { 12:15 PM }

i'm freed at last!!!

my exams are finally over! paper was not bad. i managed to spot the correct qns but i din have enough time to finish my papers. ):

looking back at my exams this sem, i realised a few things - i din study harder enough for this sem again. ): my IQ is pathetically low. )): i'm still not self-disciplined enough. ))): thus i only have myself to blame if i screw up my papers this sem. am pretty sick of chasing after the As but i do need these As to pull up my pathetic gpa. i really hate seeing such a lousy gpa showing up at my degree audit. i dun need a lousy gpa to remind me that i'm a stupid student. i've thought of solutions to counter these probs. i will start mugging right from the beginning of the sem next year. this sem had already proved that mugging from recess week onwards is totally not sufficient for a dimwit like me. and i need to be more disciplined too, which means less teevee-ning, less nuah-ing, less facebook-ing and less having fun. i've no choice but to give up all these as i'm not as smart as my friends out there. kinda feel that i'm not entitled to these fun.

kaykay, enough of looking back. now i shall let my hair loose and enjoy my holidays before i start bawling my eyes out when the results are released.

PS: am starting to wonder is uni all juz bout chasing after the grades. what happened to all those happening uni life stories? why arent they happening to me? should i still continue to be in this rat race? what will i graduate with? what will show on my transcript? lousy grades or brilliant grades for year 3 and 4? will i be able to find the job that i want with my graduated cert and transcript? what is uni to me now? i seriously dunno and i need to find the answer fast.

PPS: my handwriting is damn ugly. ):

caught in a vicious cycle. am trying to find my worth in uni.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009 { 1:01 PM }

it rained juz now after my hc204 paper. it reminded me of the rain before my psych paper. i got the same feeling for my hc204 paper and psych paper. hopefully my feeling aint wrong. hc204 paper was okay. should be able to pass. do hope i can get at least a B.

i'm now left with only one paper tmr. i doubt i can ace it thou. am juz hoping to get at least a B. wish me all the best for my last paper. (:

can i take it that raining is a sign that i would do quite well for my papers?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009 { 7:20 PM }

i pray with all my might for success for my remaining two papers.
saying please a hundred million times in my heart.

Thursday, November 26, 2009 { 9:59 PM }

i'm berry proud of what i wrote on jake's status, especially the bold part.
and yeah, i'm showing off now. MWAHAHAHAHAHA. =D

juz sharing my two cents here.

i think more importantly is to ask yourself how much effort are you willing to put in to maintain/manage this relationship, rather than to what extend will you be able to accomodate that someone who is different. i feel that relationship is not juz bout finding the balance for the differences, plus putting in effort... See More to make the relationship work out would have included accomodating the differences both of you have. but of course, there are also cases whereby effort placed in are futile.

love is just like a trial and error maths question. there's no fixed formula. you just have to keep trying, have your head banged and bruised, wait for it to heal and try again. (:

love is never easy, but still give in your best to make it the best game.

{ 9:00 PM }

my tutee got an A for his PSLE Chinese! xD
WOO-HOO!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009 { 12:05 PM }

我今天派出的兵团全部惨死战场。 ):
3down and 2more to go. will make super full use of my 6days break.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009 { 10:42 AM }

这一次，你是真的离开了我们。
i felt terrible attending your crematorium.
stay strong mr and mrs chee.

Saturday, November 21, 2009 { 9:41 PM }

the sad feeling came back again when i went to attend zhihao's wake today. my mama said i cannot go in and take a look at him, so i waited outside. ): seeing jeanie cry also made me wanna cry. can see from zhihao's dad's eyes that he's trying his best to hold back his tears. i utterly hate this feeling. i hate saying such goodbyes. why must such a thing happen to a promising young man who have yet to fulfil his dreams? )):

life's so unfair.

{ 3:22 AM }

I WANT TO GO TO HELLO KITTY LAB!!!
but i cant go! ):

it's the exams period now lah. how can i not mug and go out and play? how bout after exams? i cant wait till after exams as this exhibition ends on 29nov and that's 4days before the end of my exams. blardy hell lah. ): to make things even worse, this exhibition is to celebrate hello kitty's 35th anniversary, which mean there wont be such exhibition next year, next next year, ever!!! i really really really wanna go, but why must it be at this time?!? damn suay. )):

it's so shitty lah.

Thursday, November 19, 2009 { 5:40 PM }

today's weather depicts my emotions TOTALLY. i'm also soaking wet from the pouring rain inside me after screwing up my paper today. am starting to think that i'm not cut out for uni. am i juz too stupid for uni? it's berry disheartening for me but guess i really have to accept the fact that i am juz way too stupid. if not why do i keep screwing up my exams? it's really infuriating to know that ya will always flop at the berry last moment, even with ample preparations beforehand. no matter how hard ya study for the exam, ya will still chua sai at the exam hall and bring home a lousy grade. maybe i chua sai coz i din study hard enough. then i'll need to study even harder, since i have such super low IQ. anyways 'nuff said, i shall start mugging my arse off for psych. i dun want the same thing to happen again, although i have a berry strong hunch that i'm gonna chua sai again and screw my paper once more.

byebye good gpa. hello third class honors.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009 { 1:04 AM }

明天会更好，大家一起加油吧。 (:
still trying to get over his death. ):

Tuesday, November 17, 2009 { 10:22 PM }

today i realied the (berry) IMPORTANCE of being sensitive and having high EQ.
all thanks to this arsehole by the name of goh kwokfeng.

and he made me said FCUK. many claps to him.

[edit]i utterly want to punch him staight in the face.[/edit]
why must he stir up all the shit? cant he juz give zh some peace?

Monday, November 16, 2009 { 11:29 PM }

rest in peace, my friend.
you'll be dearly missed.
life's really unpredictable. ):

Sunday, November 15, 2009 { 7:08 PM }

had this feeling after viewing some photos,

i seemed to be the only one who is still looking like (even acting like) a 16year old.

is this good or bad? ):
i juz dun seem to belong to the group called 21.

Thursday, November 12, 2009 { 6:42 PM }

my dear boyf, mister EE songhoe is now known as Mohd Straw('Store")berry.

and because of him, i broke my 'promise' and logged onto facebook! =P

MWHAHAHAHAHAHA.
bagus. =D

Wednesday, November 11, 2009 { 12:42 AM }

ever since that fatal fall that sunday (which is last sunday), my external hard disk has been giving my lotsa problems and i'm super buay song bout it. >:[

btw have a sudden urge of shifting my blog over to wordpress. i want the lock entry funtion! however, wordpress do not allow my cute tagboard and i wont be able to customize my blog template at wordpress like how i do at blogger. wordpress's blog templates are so dull. ): if i really make the shift, what should my blog name be? 2xmin.wordpress? there seems to be so many things to do if i were to make the shift. should i stay put or move over to wordpress? i know i should not be troubled over such things at this moment. i should focus on my studies instead, but then i really cant get my mind off it. help me out by giving me some suggestions kaykay?

to switch or not?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009 { 2:10 AM }

saw this on ris low's blog. (yes, it's the ris low who went boomz. =.=) juz wanna share this with everyone. may it remind you to... (:

It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.

I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all.

i love esh deep deep. (:

Monday, November 9, 2009 { 8:42 PM }

did a love test on facebook. =X i know i'm not supposed to log onto facebook but i do need a break from books right? ): anyways below is my reults.

Question 1: You are walking to your boy/girlfriend's house. There are two roads to get there. One is a straight path to take you there quickly, but very boring. The other is significantly longer but is full of wonderful sights and interesting things. Which one do you take to get to your significant other's house, short or long? Long
The road represents your attitude towards falling in love. You chose the long road. You take your time and do not fall in love easily.

Question 2: On the way you see two rose bushes. One is full of red roses, the other full of white. You decide to pick 20 roses for your boy/girlfriend of any one color or two color combination. What number of white and/or red do you pick? 10
The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return. You give 50% and expect 50% in return.

Question 3: You finally get to their house. A family member answers the door. You can have the family member get your boy/girlfriend or go get them yourself? Get him/her myself
This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems. You like to get the person yourself. You are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately.

Question 4: You go up to your boy/girlfriend's room, but nobody is there. You decide to leave the roses. Do you leave them by the windowsill or on the bed? On the bed
The placement of the roses determines how much you like seeing your boy/girlfriend. You place the roses on the bed. You like to see him/her a lot.

Question 5: Later, it's time for bed. You and your boy/girlfriend sleep in separate rooms. In the morning when it's time to wake up, you go into his/her room and check on him/her. When you arrive, do you prefer him/her to be awake or asleep? Asleep
This represents your attitude towards his/her personality. You prefer the person to be asleep, you love the person the way s/he is.

Question 6: Now it's time to go back home. Do you take the short, plain or more interesting road? Long
The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone. You chose the longer road. You will tend to stay in love for a long time.

am berry stressed up with school work ): but love having you stayover. (: