The Green-Eyed Monster.

成全，这种退让式的爱情，无疑是种逃避挫折的方法。因为无力让现实跟着理想走，不愿冒险，不想受伤--当然，其实要走到退让这一步，多半已经伤害全部或部分参与者的心了--放弃的人选择压抑自己，可能无意义，可能成为无端的道义责任，不论如何，它是一种加诸别人心头的压力。每个人都有自己爱人的方式，退让也是一种，可惜在它总是带来很大的痛苦。爱，何苦不能真挚简单?

JANUARY

this is the month whereby i say byebye to teenagehood and hello to adulthood. celebrate with my loved ones - family, close friends and stomp friends. thank you so much for making my birthday sucha memorable one. (: mister EE was away on exercise at new zealand at that time, hence he was unable to celebrate my big day with me, but i still got an advanced mini-celebration from him.

a new term starts in this faithful month too. coz my gpa was real lousy in my first sem, i told myself to mug hard so as to pull up my pathetic gpa. however the plan i drew up for myself din work. i broke down eventually as i cant stand the stress and loneliness anymore. (will elaborate more in march)

relationship-wise, our relationship had just begun. however before we can spent our days together, he had to fly off to new zealand for exercise. this the first test of our relationship. =P HAHAHAHA. to be honest, it's not really a test lah. our relationship just kicked off not long ago, so the 不舍 feeling is being kept down to the minimal. if you ask me now, i doubt i can take it as lightly as i did back then. >.<' anyways the 18days passed by pretty fast. (maybe abit slower on certain days) on CNY eve, he's back in sing! =D went to his house to bai nian on CNY chu er. met his parents and relatives for the first time. man was i shock to see his relatives showing up at his house as it was an unexpected visit from them. got more angbaos thou. =P celebrated our first monthsary at mount faber, picnic under the stars. damn sweet i tell you. =D

FEBRUARY

moving onto feb, something bad happened. i lost a friend but i managed to keep one. i could have lost this friend too, but i'm glad he decided to stay with me. thank you so much gab. (: i've learnt alot through this incident - the need to protect myself, the need to think for myself, do not promise someone something you have no total confidence or total control in, and the most important lesson learnt was there's no need to land myself into such pathetic state just for friends. i live for myself, not for my friends. i'm proud to say that i've grown up quite abit after this incident.

school-wise, been going for lessons alone except for my psych classes. really hate being anti-social, but i thought it was the best way to keep myself focus on studies. apparently i was wrong. ):

spent my first valentine's day with mister EE. had my first candlelight dinner. mister EE can cook! =P there was also 'mummy-interrupted'. both our mummys voiced out their concerns and ground rules were set. nonetheless we still made it through. (:

MARCH

this is the month where i broke down. hopes and optimism were all gone, what's left was only disappointment and frustration. i din managed to hand in one of my assignment, did wrongly for two of my assignment and i flopped at both of my presentations. it was a sucky and terrible month at school for me. i guess mummy dearest was kinda worried that i might kill myself or something as this was also the month whereby there were many cases of student suicide. thankfully i managed to get back on my feet and found myself a new position in uni. although it's a wavering, unstable one, i would still like to believe that it would be my position for the rest of my uni life. (i did doubt myself once again in nov. sighhh.)

two shocking cases in ntu, an indo final year student stabbed prof at the back then commit suicide and post-grad student commited suicide in his dorm. mummy and papa dearest were berry worried bout my safety in school, but luckily no more such cases happening for the rest of march. thank god. (:

did not run into any friendship problems. maybe just this one problem - mixing with classmates. classmates were all in their own cliques and it's really hard to join in and then become one of them. guess i will have to be sit alone for the rest of my remaining uni days. saddening. ): OH yar. suddenly remember my friendship with someone started to take a downturn here. i'm getting more and more impatient towards her rantings, less and less tolerant towards her nonsense.

me and mister EE were still going on well, infact better each day! =D

APRIL

the month of my exams for year1 sem1. well results were quite cui. lose all motivation just before the last leg of the race. i'm sucha loser. ):

over at friends side, both pui and tinky met their respective other half! happy for them. (: jieying got her major emotional breakdown, but glad that it ended. ((:

relationship problems started arising. had two quarrels with mister EE in this month alone. learned to be more songhoe-oriented, lest i neglect him. thankfully everything was fine after the quarrels. infact we never had anymore quarrels after that two. (((:

april was a short one. =P

MAY

the start of my holidays! had lotsa fun! went to the zoo, went to watch play, went clubbing at zirca, went for HSS SA camp, went for HSS bash at attica, went for gatherings and meet-ups, etc etc. had my many first too! first road-trip with andy driving us around, first mustafa trip, first escargot meal, first stayover at mister EE's place, etc etc.

in later may, got myself a job at warren tan & co. first time working at law firm. not a berry good experience thou, but thankfully i had colleagues-turned-friends who made working more enjoyable. (:

something bad happened to one of my closest friend. (you know who you are) was so worried yet i cant visit my friend due to H1N1. luckily, my friend is all fine and active now. (:

OH! forgot to mention results were release in this month, but i've decided to mention my cui grades together with my exams.

JUNE

june marks the 6th month of my relationship with mister EE. am so happy that he likes the gift i prepared. (: no gift from him thou. pffftt. =P

june was basically taken up by work and work and work. there's always never-ending work at office. boss make sure he really fully utilised his employees to every inch. GRRR.

as for friendship, decided to cut all ties with a particular friend. she had gone over my limit and i see no point giving in and/or tolerating her any further. however now that i think back, i find this act of mine rather irresponsible. i just cut off ties with her without giving her an explanation. i should have talk things out with her at that time, rather than leave it coz i cant take it anymore. that's so childish of me. too bad we cant turn back time, if not i would have handle it better. =/

JULY

first part of july was great and exciting, but the second half was hightime lowness for me. set foot on taiwan for my berry first time! =D it's the furthest place i've been, it's the first time i'm not travelling with family and it's my first overseas trip with mister EE! =DD time flew by damn fast when i was in taiwan. how i wish time would stop then. ): straight after my taiwan trip, went for HSS FoC Camp 2oo9. it was fun but then something terrible happened. i was admitted into A&E (my first time to A&E) coz i was having extreme pain in my knee. doc diagnosed inflammation in my knee tendon. life after that was bad. i felt all weak and sick. have to stay at home and rest, lest i aggravate the situation. it then dawned upon me that i aint no superwoman. i need to give my body a rest. i can work all day doesnt mean my body can take it. i need to spare a thought for my body and take good care of her.

AUGUST

i'm now officially year2. school work was getting harder and heavier. i have few new juniors in school - peyshy and leon in chinese, munjee in maths and other dragon babies who was released from the clutches of MOD. =P mister EE is also officially a uni student now. join salsa class. a major break through. i also broke out of my anti-social self from last sem, aint that lonely anymore. (:

i suppose august was a peaceful month coz i seriously cant recall if there's any major big event that happened in aug. =/

SEPTEMBER

mood's lil bad in the sept. am always feeling grumpy and grouchy. not coping berry well with schoolwork. am not able to overtake it. although i'm on par with each week's readings but i always felt that i'm lagging behind, i should be ahead. mummy dearest said i was too hard on myself. stress's creeping in. i had presentation for almost all my modules and most of them are scheduled after reccess week. having a little problem with fitting in as well. find it real hard trying to fit in. although i have sirong, but she still have her own clique. i cant possibly hog onto her everyday. it's not something i would do. guess i really have to sit with myself for the rest of my uni days. ):

and things got worse in october...

OCTOBER

whole of october was spent churning out presentation slides and reports. readings had fallen behind schedule. i have a serious problem with time management. ):

coz i was down on emotional level, relationship got affected as well. had a sudden urge to break away from everyone, especially the one i depends most on. thankfully he pulled me back and set me right. thanks mister EE. (:

on a lighter note, i visited IMH! but it was not as fun and engaging as i thought it would have been. i've also conquered southern ridges with mister EE. re-charged myself after that adventure. (: OH! and i love my psych proj mates. they are the best proj mates i've gotten! =D

NOVEMBER

the month of exams. exams felt better than my two previous sem. guess i've gotten used to uni mugging now. exams period was the longest so far, starting from 19nov till 3dec. i do regret that i did not study harder. i do regret that i did not manage my time better. i always regret. ):

a dear friend left us in that month too. the news of his passing came so sudden. was berry affected by his passing. he had just embarked on his adulthood, he was so close to realising his dreams, but all it take was a car crash into a stationary truck by the roadside and everything ended. he left his trails behind, we'll never forget him. i know we all wont. (:

DECEMBER

holidays start the moment i end my last exam paper for the sem! it's FUN time again! got a holiday job too! $.$ yeah, i'm money-faced. =D december also mean christmas! i have a someone new to spend christmas with. i just love christmas parties. everyone get together and share the festive mood. (: btw mister EE has superb cute nieces! sweet and pretty! awwwwww.

29th of this month also marked our first anniversary. it was a fabulous night spent at mount faber, the place where we spent our first monthsary. (: results were released on that faithful night. i was pretty satisfied with my results. of course i would have done better if i were to mug harder. was feeling tad guilty after i saw my results coz i thought of mister EE's gpa... ):

shifting over to sembawang was finalised this month when my papa dearest went to HDB board to sign the papers. having mixed feelings bout shifting, but more of melancholy. ):

had threw certain topics for my brain to think bout it. managed to untie some knots but there are also some which got more tightly-knitted. guess i need time to figure and sort them out. =/

My New Year Resolutions For The Year 2o1o
1. Quit nuah-ing. (no nuah-ing gives me more time)
2. Better time management (which include handing in assignment on time, no last minute work and most importantly be on time!)
3. Work harder. (not only in studies, but in everything - work, maintaining relationships, etc)
4. Have more self-confidence. (this is beneficial for presentations and work)
5: To be a better person (i believe by achieving the above four, i would fulfil my fifth)

*told mister EE four yesterday, decided to add the last one in today. (: